Hair Madness, Week Recap.

It is a week today since I decided to go shampoo free. It's going really poorly, but I am so lazy that having read testimonials of just-water-once-a-week-washers, I am pressing on, hoping to one day become one of them. Also, I camp a lot, and how awesome would it be to NOT have icky, oily hair at the end of day 2.

Recap:

Day 1 - I did a soda wash, and vinegar rinse, and it was dry and fluffy
Day 2 - Nothing. It was dry. And fluffy.
Day 3 - It was getting to be oily on top, but bearable, dry everywhere else.
Day 4 - a diluted soda wash (may be half table spoon) and conditioner rinse, and it was waxy and fluffy
Day 5 - nothing, even though it was absolutely atrocious, and I wore a scarf
Day 6 - I did a vinegar rinse, and rosemary tea rinse, and it was still really waxy, and not so much fluffy.
Day 7 - Nothing, though, again, it was atrociously obnoxious
Day 8 - is today.

I have washed it about every other day, which, ironically, is more often than I normally would.

I can, however, report that it appears the waxy-ness (I'm going to develop a serious nervous tick if I keep typing that) actually diminishes. Like, day one, it seems like I can rub my hair and light my fingers on fire. Day two, it's not really waxy anymore. It's soft and smooth, but some residue waxy-ness makes it look greasy, and therefore, in my head, dirty. I never use any product in my hair, so, 'clean hair' to me, is squeaky, fluffy, 80's type fluffy, hair. Anything flat, shiny, and chunky looking, no go. It does not smell, and it appears to be "clean" in an unorthodox way, but it looks horrendous.

Also, I think between the soda and the vinegar, my hair is stripped pretty well of its colour. (Dyed red) I intend on re-dying it, and I was really hoping by that time I would already be washing it infrequently and, with very little soda/vinegar deal. (HA!) A conditioner only wash might be best. I still have my Super Duper $10 small bottle of conditioner from Whole Foods, which might be an option.

So I used my left over rosemary from Rosemary Baked Potatoes to brew some Rosemary Tea. (Twig of rosemary stewed in cup of water) Rosemary is supposed to be the best thing for your hair. I am one of *those* people now. I am also one more bad hair day away from blending up an egg yolk and mayonnaise into my morning shower routine. The nice thing about rosemary is that it smell nothing like an egg yolk. It's true, that vinegar smell disappears completely after wash, and hair smells like nothing, so, in that regard rosemary was definately a plus.

It occured to me, as I was skulking around self consiously in CVS hair isle the other day - why not just switch to Burt's Bees shampoo or equivalent? I'm not going to do it out of principle and because it's expensive. But I highly recommend it, for people who are just trying to go chemical free. I bet it even foams.

I am looking forward to a day I can just wash with water. By looks of it, that day is taking its time. Tonight, I will wash it with some baking soda (a nice amount, because I am truly tired of slicky hair, and I have a job to attend tomorrow morning), then rinse it with the remainder of my rosemary "tea".

Quite frankly, my mental health will suffer if I don't wake up tomorrow morning with psychotically beautiful hair.

PS. Jesse and I played the dumpstered Score Four game, and he beat me at least 4 times. Could have been 5, I lost count. HMPH.

UPDATE: Day 9 hair is a lot better. It must have heard me make threats. Post Baking Soda wash, V + rosemary rinse, it is clean (not waxy or greasy), shiny but not in a greasy way, and really full, but not fluffy. It's also not as dry as it was after the first baking soda wash last week.

Almost Ancient Awesome Dumpstered Board Games

I really wanted to cut my hair today, to, may be, cut down on atrociousness that is ..it. So we headed out of the house and got massively derailed by an awesome garage sale sign.



"Your treasure awaits you"?? How could we not. Jesse did some characteristic abrupt maneuvering (where I point to a sign and squeal, "You gotta turn!!" and he tries his best to spare nearby vehicles, and sidewalk vegetation as he whips around the 6000lb truck, in the direction an arrow is pointing. He really does a fantastic job, I have repeatedly seen him block all types of lane traffic excecuting awkward and often illegal turns. One time, he whipped the truck around on a two lane 55mph country highway, so I could go get some $4 Danish Modern side tables (stil not refinsihed, BTW) in a farm yard sale. We must have been the ONLY people who came by who did not drive a tractor and live across the hayfield. It's one of the million things he does that makes me feel like he was just meant for me. So. We got there just as she was ready to pack up.

I always think, it'd be neat to get up early and find all the cool stuff before other people get there, but that would require actually getting up. Neither Jesse nor I are ever that commited to finding cool random stuff for 50 cents. Plus, Jesse has sort of forbid anything else to come into the house, so it's probably for the best.

Anywhere, there on her lawn was the most brilliant collection of board games. They were old, and with all their pieces, and pretty, and.. Jesse went to find the nearest ATM, cause I wasn't leaving the lawn without some loot. $7.50 later, we skipped away proud owners of 8 games. Well, 5 games, two puzzles, and one Barrel Full of Monkeys. (I did most of the skipping, Jesse was busy picturing where in hell exactly I was going to put 8 new games, and if it would displace any of his DVD's/Wii/etc)



They are so pretty. And in perfect condition. One of them, called Aggravation, I want to try sell on Ebay. (Remember, how I said, it would be awesome to one day find awesome things ot sell on Ebay, but first I'd have to actually sell soomething on Ebay? Well I did! So I can!) If it doesn't sell, I will figure out how and play with it.

In addition to the Aggravation game, straight from the 1970's, I got:

Scrabble "Crossword Cubes:, 1968
Scour Four, 1968
Boggle, the 4 letter size, 1976

They are in an amazing condition, with all the pieces, cards, instructions. I don't know how that's even possible. It ain't in my house. I have no idea where my house keys are at this very moment. Or my phone. Board game instructions are the sort of things you find years later, afer you have already made up your own rules. It's easier to win that way, anyway. Especially when playing small children they are gullible critters. It's shameful, I know. (The losing things part) And it's just wildly impressive to me when somebody's been able to keep ALL 16 marbles of a game for 40 years. I'll try to keep the awesomeness going.

There was also a Taboo game. Which I keep meaning to get, so now I did. The fact that it's from the 70's makes it that much cooler. I can't wait to read through the cards - I'm guessing "Brad Pitt" and "Monica Lewinski" weren't on the radar yet. I don't do too well with modern Taboo game, so this might be my key to success.

The 'Drive you Nuts' puzzle is from 1968, and it *has* driven me nuts. Like very primitive sudoku. But worse. Although, I'm only speculating, I never gave Sudoku a chance. But it's kicking my ass, so it must be worse.

I can't really explain the Barrel of Monkeys. It seemed like a good idea? I mean. They hook together. If I ever break a body part again and spend some time confined to a small space and floating on painkillers, I would definately want a Barrel of Monkeys in the space.

There is also (unpictured) a small doggy puzzle also from the 60's.



I promised Jesse that I would hand his ass to him in nearly everyone of those games, and show him what's up with putting together puzzles. He's tingling with anticipation, I'm sure.

The hair, by the way, never got cut. I'm using harsh (and so far ineffecive) tactics, like pretending I don't know the hair, ignoring the hair, and using a scarf to cover the hair. It is doing unspeakable things to me and needs to be told. (Or washed with some nice foamy detergenty shampoo, but I can't give in this easy. It's only 7 days in. I've read the other blogs and I'll feel like a pansy if I quit so early on)

Ugh. Of All The Nastyness.

The following is so disgusting I wish I had a different blog under a pen name. I feel so dirty confessing this, that I’m considering wiping out the whole blog after I type this.

There. Is. Gray Waxy Crud. In. My. Hair.

But, let’s start from the beginning.

Yesterday, I did what Jesse affectionately refers to as, “my yeast hair bath”. Something smelly and bacteria infested to name my hair experiment after. He's thoughtful like that. I did baking soda wash, with a bit less baking soda than last time, because last time my hair felt like sandpaper.

Now, I’m a bit torn here. I read that baking soda strips color from hair, and is generally harsh. I have seen what it does to stovetop crud and I’m not really interested in deep cleaning my brain cells. But. The shampoos that are –everything bad- free are also expensive. I don’t understand why methylkillyou suckysulfate Herbal Essences is $2.99 and Nothin-but-cammomile-and-some-shady-oils Essence is $8.99.

Which, I can make my own, and many a woman has. However, the whole premise here was low-ER maintenance. And it takes less time to wash-n-go every couple days than constantly be brewing a cauldron of herbs, and shopping for honey, lavender, jojoba oil, and mice feet to toss in the ‘poo brew. And, again, the expense. If I were to spend $30 at Whole Foods, it would most certainly go to cheese, grains, and those Miso Soup bowls.

Super Duper Conditioner


Anyway, so I decided to just use less baking soda. Like, enough to clean to hair, not quite enough for an interskull deepclean. Followed by Whole Foods SuperDuper Conditioner. Massage, rinse, massage, rinse, cross fingers that your hair doesn’t fall out, rinse. I skipped vinegar, cause I’m trying to figure out what makes it crunchy – soda or vinegar.

This morning I commented that, once again (shocking) it ain’t clean. But Jesse assured me it didn’t smell and didn’t look too bad. Normally, he’s far too nice to actually tell me I’m a wreck, so I have preemptively threatened to punch him square in the throat if I had to hear form somebody else that I smelled like a wet donkey. I think he can be trusted now.

He did ask me if I was sure I used baking soda and not baking powder, which momentarily had me in a panic. I’d hate to the chick who accidentally put some Bisquick in her hair and then wondered why sh!t was getting real.

Anyway, after making sure I don’t smell enough to attract attention in a well ventilated place, like an office, I went to brush it and was pleased, that at least it is soft. It still is ‘fluffy’, or, ‘full of body’ to use a marketing term. But soft, and not tangly. This was pleasing, cause it was about time something good was happening with this experiment. I can deal with soft hair. It still looks freakishly fluffy. But may be that is the natural, wild state of my hair. Or may be I need my ends trimmed. I can live with it. I was a little excited, and feeling pretty awesome about my Natural Wild Woman-ness. Until I looked at the brush, and there. Was. Gray. Shit. ALL over it. Enter feeling like a Natural Wild Woman, but in a very, very bad way. Not 'run naked on the beach' way. more like, 'hide deeper in the cave' way.

Fluffy. I'm not holding my head at and angle, and no wind is blowing. It is ..just fluffy and pointy like I just got off my broom.


No wonder I have ‘body’. There’s apparently nasty wax crap wrapped around each hair, quadrupling it’s volume. Stellar.

And I’m halfway out the door for work, so I don’t have time to throw the experiment out, and lather up with Jesse’s finest “Cooling Sensation” Old Spice smelling body wash. FML.

So, now I’m at work, and feeling dirty. Downright gross. Like a dirty cavewoman with a nasty secret. All bad.

Oddly, it doesn’t ‘feel’ dirty. It’s not squeaky clean, and it’s only faintly ‘waxy’ feeling at the roots. I guess the idea here is that all the crap, I’m sorry, ‘sebum’ (which is what this crap is) is supposed to work it’s way down your hair. And then, I GUESS, it’s supposed to equalize itself out. I really wished I had down the SPECIFICS before I started these mangy ‘experiments’. What I did know, was that the dirty crud part of this nasty, experiment usually came in around weeks 7-9, and I was sure my resolve would be broken long before I got to a stage that ugly. It's not possible that it keeps up for any length of time, right?

My Nasty Waxy Dirty Fluffy Hair


Not to worry, it's not flying about all willy nilly like. I have safely pinned it up into a bun, and I'm trying to blend into office furniture till I can get home and get real.

I don’t know what my plan is going to be. I can’t very well be walking around with nasty wax crap all over my hair. I don’t feel like scrapping the whole plan. There must be purpose to this madness. May be a water rinse and a vinegar rinse tonight after gym. Brushing it till it "works" itself down the hair shaft and (hopefully) disappears? I'll come up with something by tonight.

Stay tuned for more wreckage,

-Cruddy in Newport Beach

Gym Win, No Poo Fail

Few things to address today.

24Hr Yoga yesterday – awesome. Nice, beginner, explaining all the positions, none of which required to have your foot tucked behind your ear. Something to do with the beginning of the year. The 24 CORE class, was like the SET class that about did me in. It was like SET on crack. It never stopped. There was a lot of high speed step jumping while weight lifting. I was near delirious by the end of it, and didn’t even notice I was trickered into the following Abs class. Or may be I was just so excited to finally lay down on the floor, that I forgot to look at the clock.

No Poo Day 3. In case you weren’t aware, I read online, and thought it a good idea to try a no shampoo routine.
Well, I couldn’t NOT wash my hair after thrashing around the gym class floor for two hours, so I did a water only wash. After all, it’s called the No Shampoo Method. Not the “No Wash Method”. But since the hair has been feeling nice and straw like, I skipped the vinegar rinse, and instead did conditioner rinse for the ends.
Let me tell you, it is not clean today. I mean. It’s not filthy. But it ain’t clean. And I scrubbed, or ‘massaged’ in little circles, and everything. It looks a little cleaner than 3 days post wash normally would. But not by much.
I don’t have dandruff or anything, so that helps. But it has that.. faintly greasy feeling. You know, like if something washed it, but didn’t use shampoo.. It helps that I have bangs. Those seem to have washed well. So, the front of my face is nice and fluffy. ‘Fluffy’, is what the hair is doing. You might call it volume. I guess. I don’t.
In addition to this, I braided it today, and it looks like it might have to stay braided to avoid knots. It’s got a funny texture. If they made an Herbal Essences for my hair, it’d be “Fluffy, Dry, Super Prone to Knotty”. I’m pretty suspicious of it, actually. This morning, it seemed like while I was trying to brush one side of my head, the other side was carefully weaving itself into a doily. I should have cut the hair before this little experiment. But I can’t give up now. I will venture forth, for now.

I’m torn between keeping up this baking soda wash (which will actually clean) and doing a conditioner rise only. I feel like baking soda might win. May be baking soda AND conditioner rinse. Cause, I can only sport the Heidi hairstyle for so long. The only catch is the Super Duper Conditioner (Whole Foods, $11, small bottle) is silicone free. . Which, apparently means it’s not slippery (it’s really not). So, on the bright side – it washes out easily. On the down side – you know that nice, slippery feeling your hair gets after a good dose of Pantene? Yeah. Not so much.

Thx, Salvation Army!

Jesse says he saw it first.



Which would make sense, since he’s probably tired of getting beat up. Ever since I got my awesome pink gloves, whenever I get froggy, (and because he decided NOT to get the matching catch mitts) I get to throw 'combos' at his palms. He doesn't like it much, cause I tend to stare at his face instead of his palms, and we both agree it's an accident waiting to happen.

I’ve been looking on Craigslist and haven’t found anything this awesome. It’s brand new, in a box, and I’m pretty skeptical, but Jesse seems to think all parts are there. To be fair, the stuff didn’t look like it had been taken out. Everything was folded, manual, etc, factory style. UPS shipping label from 07. Someone must have had this sit in their garage for a looong time before deciding it’s not for them. May be they just could never find an awesome pair of pink gloves. Who knows. I had Jesse drag it home and start the set up.



UPDATE: ALL parts are there, the bag is sturdy and all types of brand new. $16.75!!! And now, I can use an enourmous piece of purple fabric I had picked up at a garage sale for no reason at all - to sew a cover for the bag! (It is housed on the back porch, and we get lots of dust that comes with living really close to the airport) I'm thinking, may be even applique flowers. And something menacing written in glitter glue.

This and a Gap silk pink/purple reversible halter top for 2.99 –half off. To go with Gap silk skirt of last week??! Win. I have a serious crush on the Harbor St Salvation Army.

Also seen but vetoed: a pair of sconces. I proposed I fill the glass cones with pebbles and seashells. May be a seahorse, when one comes available, and a candle? No dice. To be fair, we *are* running out of wall space.

Now that I have something other than Jesse to beat up, I figured it's about time I study up on this boxing business. I googled and came up with www.muscleandstrength.com where a helpful chap called Buck091 had written the following:

Stance
There are many different types of stances and all are tailor made to suit each boxer but a boxer can only figure out what stance suits him best by the old tried and tested method of trial and error. But for the sake of this thread the basic Stance is as follows:
Legs shoulder-width apart and the rear foot a half-step behind the lead foot. Right-handed or orthodox boxers lead with the left foot and fist. Both feet are pointed slightly inward, and the right heel is off the ground. The lead fist is held vertically about six inches in front of the face at eye level. The rear fist is held beside the chin and the elbow tucked against the ribcage to protect the body. The chin is tucked into the chest to avoid punches to the jaw

Punches

jab A quick, straight punch thrown with the lead hand from the guard position, thrown via a small rotation of the torso and hips as the fist rotates 90 degrees becoming horizontal on impact. This punch is the first punch you will ever learn and by far the most important as it can be used for many different situations and needs such as a lead punch for a powerful combo or simpily as a range finder.

Cross/Back Hand
Considered the main power punch, thrown as a straight punch with the back hand from your gaurd in a straight line. The rear shoulder is thrust forward and finishes just touching the outside of the chin. At the same time, the lead hand is retracted and tucked against the face to protect the inside of the chin. For additional power, the torso and hips are rotated counter-clockwise as the cross is thrown. Weight is also transferred from the rear foot to the lead foot. the cross is usually the punch that follows a job in the classic one-two combo

Hook
A looping punch thrown with either hand to the side of an oppenents head. from the guard position, the elbow is drawn back with a horizontal fist (knuckles pointing forward) and the elbow bent. The rear hand is tucked firmly against the jaw to protect the chin. The torso and hips are rotated clockwise, propelling the fist through a tight, clockwise arc across the front of the body and connecting with the target

Uppercut
A vertical, rising punch thrown mainly with the rear hand. Uppercuts require a loading move back to get good power so its best if they follow a shot like a hook. revious shot loads the waist (cocking back), rotate from the waist, fist should come up right under the jaw can be slid up an oppenents chest, palm facing back to them on fist hitting chin and don’t let the shot makeyouself too open, need to stay hunched over as the arm flies up.

It's gonna be epic. This, and the Core Class I am attending tonight at 24Hour, going into Week2 of class terribleness.

No Poo!

Shampoo, that is. I read somewhere that a chick's husband cringed every time she started sentences with "I read online.." because it signaled a sacrifice of some sort coming, or relinquishing something he likes. Haaa. That must be how Jesse feels, to a degree, cause I start sentences like that a lot, and usually (but not always)* some sort of madness follows.

*"But not always" refers to that time I read about reusable toilet paper - Aka - you cut your old tshirts into rags, or upgrade to flannel when you get really good and fancy at it (or want to wipe poop, which I didn't), and then wipe your bits with fabric instead of paper, washing the fabric, and reusing. Not just no, hell no, said Jesse. Landfills and all, he was going to keep buying the softest Charmin available, and very little was going to stand in his way. Hmph. I guess, I also couldn't really get my mind wrapped around the whole process, so I'm saving it as a mental bookmark, for later in life, may be.

There was also the time I read about resuable sandwhich bags, and got cought up in the cuteness of it all - ziplock bags do NOT have monkeys and frogs on them! Veto, said Jesse, who said he doesn't want his bread stale.

I grew up in Russia, I don't even know what "stale" means. Bread is bread. Then it gets hard, and you make croutons out of it. "Stale" appears to be some sort of soft capitalist notion, where the bread is still soft, but one won't eat it, because it's not fresh enough. But, we don't eat enough sandwiches to make it a battle worth fighting, so, there it went.

The last thing that got shut down hard was my reading about 'menstrual sponges'. I was a little intrigued, and wanted to try it. Despite three girlfriends who suggested "it'll get lost inside", and Jesse, who said simply, that putting sponges places they don't belong might turn those places green and swollen shut. Seriously, he's so dramatic you'd think it was his peehole at stake with this sponge business. But, EW, and there went the sponge idea.

But, my failures as an eco-geek and Jesse's appalling softness aside, back to this shampoo thing. The premise is - modern chemical shampoos (particularly the sulfates things, which are present in engine dereasers and stuff) are too harsh, and using them 'trains' your scalp more oily. It's also not good for your skin - which, as the largest organ of your body absorbs all the chemicals. Not good, says the internet.

So, with the eventual goal being to just wash your hair with water, people do a variety of goofy things. Such as a baking soda wash, followed by an Apple Cider Vinegar rinse. (this is the most basic). There are additions of oils (jojoba), and things like yogurt, and egg yolks.

I read about the conditioner trap - where silicones smooth your hair but dry out - and went found myself a ridiculous bottle of conditioner at Whole Foods. At 10.99 a bottle it has no silicones, and things like oil (jojoba). Score. Some people do a 'conditioner only' rinse.

Anyway, even though Jesse has decided to stick to his 'pesky shampoo addiction' (Thanks, Heather!). I am pressing on, for a chemical free scalp. I have visions of shiny, soft hair that doesn't need to be washed for weeks at a time, and going back to Whole Foods to buy that fancy homemade soap, rolled in oats, and lavender twigs.

Day 1. I dissolved a tablespoon of baking soda in a cup of water, and scrubbed it into the hair (mid back length, and dyed a brilliant red). I rinsed with two tablespoons of ACV, dissolved in cup of water. I put a bit of the fancy conditioner on the tips.

Result: Dry hair the night of. It's clean, but dry. It's hard to comb. It feels almost straw like. I'm guessing it's the baking soda? Although, it does NOT smell like vinegar, so that's a plus. I had Jesse sniff test it, cause I'd hate for him to spend 8 hours a night sharing a bed with Head O'Vinegar.

This morning, it looks alright cleen wise, and feels normal. (Could the fancy conditioner be creeping up the hair shaft?) But I think it might be itchy? It could be a fantom itch, cause I have vivid flashack of rubbing baking soda into my scalp.. but still.

I guess the idea here is to not wash your hair for 3-4 days, then repeat. Apparently, before it gets great, it is to get worse. I don't know if I can handle worse. I do have to go to work, after all, and I don't know how to wear scarves in ways that make you look cute, and not like you've just finished cleaning your chicken coop.

Stand by..

24 S.E.T. Class - Gym Part Trois

This class did me in. I can hardly move, still, two days later. Specifically, I can't not climb in or out of the truck, walk up the stairs (down is impossible), or sit down. Yes, that's right. I can't SIT. Every tiem I try, I have a flashback to walk-squatting like a herd of dumbell outfitted ducks across the gym floor, and cringe.

I don't know what happened. The abs are fine, but the legs and the ass are done for. I mean, I'd been walking, and using my thighmaster, and doing squats, with my weight vest even. And, all that, I am as sore as if I'd never, ever, used a muscle on my body.

What is more disturbing is the area and depth of soreness indicates a bigger problem. I think there's a good chance, if I keep up this workout I will fully develop giant, woolly mammoth thighs and ass. Did you see Ice Age? Yeah, like that view of them walking from behind. I can feel it.

The abs - hurt not at all - because - TADA! I have none. I knew this. My little potbelly is evidence. I thought, may be, there are muscles underneath. I was wrong. They had dissolved, or migrated straight to my behind.

This little problem is compounded by my decision to pursue yoga. More than anything, I was one too drinks too many into a night, and butthurt that every one but me can put their leg either behind, or very close to behind their head. It must be fixed. And my inner thighs, hamstrings, whathave yous are ALL paying the price.