San Onofre State Park Campground. Sardine Camping for the Seasoned Flea Market Vendors.

I imagine that's what it would feel like, sitting in your tent right in the parking lot, staring at the road and hundreds of other tents.

It's amazing to me that this place is booked often and hard to get into.  I was *lucky* enough to call when there was a cancellation, and booked spot #114.  Previously, Mr Snork had booked spot #94, but after paying we discovered it was a handicapped acc. spot, and you need to have a placard to check in. When I called to change the reservation, I was SO excited they had another spot that I took it, and considered myself lucky.  All the rest were booked.  Because, clearly, it's an awesome, super popular place.

Then I read some Yelp reviews.  (2.5 stars, I believe)   And then giraffy chanced upon some google images, and we started to have doubts that two tents could fit.  She has an 8-10 person, I think.  I have a 6 person with vestibule, so the footprint of an 8-10 person.   My other camping friend has a backpacking 2 person tent, so, presumably, she and her husband can camp in a tree if needed.  No concerns there.

The google image that tipped us off.  

It's a pricey site, at $35 a night, plus $15 second vehicle fee per night.  Plus, $8 reservation fee.  So, $108 for two nights.  But that's a small price to pay for two glorious nights by the ocean, and campfire.  I can't really hope for stars in our area, but I'll take what I can get.

Unless, I get this:

That's a drop off behind that picnic table.  

This is spot #114.  For comparison, this is my tent:

But let's rewind.  Spot #114 is actually one of the better spots.  Spot #113 next to it is the campground winner, with it's own little island of dirt and bushes.  And a faraway ocean view.  It could be bearable.

#113.  They have a spot for a tent that is not within 2 feet of the firepit.  Win.

#114 is definately jealous of #113.  And can use their firepit. 

But let's talk about spot #94, the original reservation.

WTF #94

That is a wall of dirt behind it.

A dirt wall that you can't climb.

And climb it you'd have to, to see any ocean.  Which is far, far down below.

The bench is a nice touch.  

 I guess the description does say you're in the bluffs.  But I feel the description should, somewhere in there say - "waaaaay closer to I5, and railroad (practically on top of) than the ocean.

I5 + railroad view from site.

 You would for sure not hear the waves.  But you do hear the I5.  And, I imagine passing trains.  The google images we had seen made it look bad, but you must realize that is actually much worse in person.

The depth perception is off in this photo.   It looks much larger than it is.  I'm standing maaaaay be five feet from the picnic table, and I'm touching the Dirt Wall Bushes.

I consider myself a pretty flexible camper.  I don't need bathrooms.  I don't need showers.  (They have flushable portapottys and cold outdoor showers).  I'm pretty excited when there's just a water spigot in the vicinity and a view of some sort.  And, I guess, a place for the tent.

So, back to spot #114.  Which, to be fair, has ocean view.  And instead of a wall it has a drop off, which I guess is a little better.  Unless you have a 2 year old to keep track of.  Which I do.   There's also one of may be 3 trees, in the whole campstrip, hanging right over the table.  Good for shade.

That picnic table there is chained into the ground, with about 6" of slack.  And is placed in the most inconvenient spot.   I *think* I could fit my tent sideways, in front of the picnic table.  Right in between the two fire pits. and in front of my car, possibly touching the picnic table and car.  There would be no room for a second tent of any size.  Or any room for Mouse to roam.  It was hard enough to keep her away from the fire pit at O'Neill park, with its vast space, trees, twigs, and pebbles (and passing horses)  to play with.  I'm pretty sure keeping her away from the firepit with only the immediate 5 feet of dirt around it available for play would be a weekend's job on its own.

I think what I'm really getting at is that you can't go there with children.  Once you pitch a tent, small as it may be, the play area is SEVERELY limited.  You're between a wall (if you're lucky) or a drop off, and the road.  With firepits everywhere.  And picnic tables.

 It makes me sad that the state is so greedy, they stuffed all these "camp" spots in this place.  Had they reduced the number of camp spots, it would still not be ideal, but at least, you could spread out laterally, pitch a tent not on top of the firepit, and have some space.  But California is greedy and has money management issues, so, they would rather stuff you like sardines into a dirt patch, and disclose very little about it online.  I notice other, actually nice places have things like thumbnail photos of each campsite.  San Onofre doesn't, because nobody would show up.  Instead, they have a very vague and inaccurate map, and advise you that "depending on size, 1-3 tents fit per site".  No site there fits 3 tents of any size.  They are liars.

I read in some reviews that spots 1-10 were the best.

You're on a bluff.  For real. 

I liked them.  The view is nice (note lack of dirt wall), you don't have drive far into the flea market - like jungle, but you do need a 2 person tent to pull it off.  And, as anywhere else on this campground, you have to cross fingers that yours or neighbors' fire pit sparks don't ruin your tent.

Some other considerations:  smoke -  you know how you end up shifting around campfire depending on where smoke is blowing?  Well, here you can't.  There's probably a tent, a picnic table, or a vehicle next to you.

The beach - is a hike.  It's pretty, and I bet it's great when you get down there.  Lots of rocks I hear.  Very little sand.

Noise - It's like camping with 90 people at once.  I can't even imagine.  The reviews agree.

Group camping sites were lovely.  With space, ocean view, and shade.  $225 a night as of Sept 2013.

Conclusion:  I think a couple spot in the place (1-10, 66, 113) could be nice.  For a couple, a small tent, a little getaway by the beach with ocean view.  Especially if you plan on going down to the beach for most of the day.  (Will people steal your stuff while you're gone?  Probably.)

 Most of the other spots are like a camping version of prison.  Some actually back up to chain link fence.  Which isn't a huge deal, but when your camp spot is 7 feet wide.. it takes away from the scenery.  Also, the park is a liar.  Their map is crap, and I feel they intentionally mislead people.  I hope that more photos of this depressing little dirt patch crop up on the internet, so that people know to plan elsewhere.

UPDATE:  Reserve America will apparently refund your cancellation fee, and your reservation fee if it turns out that you can not physically fit your tent in the spot.  Good.to.know.

Bikram Yoga Is a Terrible Way to Spend Your Time. - Review

It sucks.  There, I said it.  

These Groupons will be the death of me.  I thought it was such a good deal, and I know a couple people who seem to really like it, so I bought and signed up for the $25 for 25 sessions, dragging the running Giraffe with me.  Without the coupon, their pricing is outrageous, and I having gone, I don't see where the money goes - to heat up the room?   

--Scratch that, I looked up Bikram the Man talking about making "about 10 million a month".  So, I guess, I know where it goes.  Meanwhile, 24 Hour Fitness charges a tiny fraction of that, and offers yoga classes.  And babysitting.  And they are way nicer.  And don't smell like feet.   But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I went a few times, just to make sure, that I wasn't being a sissy.  I didn't want to be a quitter, and I didn't want to have $25 go to waste.   So, I guess I AM, in fact a quitter, but the $25 did not go to waste, I now KNOW what it's like, and it's not pretty.  

Out of the three instructors I had, two were pretty good, and one was not so good, and really, kinda mean.  It was during her long, tedious 90 minute reign that I had a chance to gather my thoughts about what really irks me about the her, Bikram, and the whole thing in general:

1.  Who is Bikram?  I did some rudimentary internet research, and it appears he is a liar who makes a lot of money.  And knows some yoga stuff.   I also think he is a tremendously successful businessman.  He is also the one personally certifying the teachers - and it appears that his medical background is next to non existant.  So, when the instructor started talking about how - the deeper you bend, the harder you squeeze - your various organs are getting compressed, and then decompressed, and all the fresh oxygenated blood is rushing to them, I was a little skeptical.  

 I feel like thousands of years of evolution have been at work to make sure that I don't squish my kidneys and liver every time I bend down to vacuum the sideboards.  I just don't think it's that easy to wring out your internal organs. I don't think pulling my knees to my chest will do it.  At some point, I started feeling like I'm really going to need this instructor to show me a medical degree if she's going to keep that up.  It all sounded a little too, "The earth is flat" to me.  

2.  Speaking of freshly oxygenating your organs:  I mentioned the room smells like feet.  Dirty, stinky feet, that haven't been washed in a long time.  You'd think they could spring for a steam cleaning more often, with all that money coming in.  150+ people in a room worth of income.  It's costs $28 to rent a carpet steamer at Vons.   The smell hits you pretty hard in the beginning, and, then, as you get adjusted to your new steamy, murky, hot surroundings, it mercifully dissipates.  Until towards the last 3rd of the class, when you start getting a little nauseated - it comes back, and it hits you pretty hard.  It occurred to me I really don't want this dirty foot oxygen anywhere near my organs.  Really, the very existence of oxygen, fresh or otherwise is questionable, since 150 people are using it, too, and the room is locked up.  

3.  You can't leave the room, or at least they try to make you stay.  I've seen people leave to puke.  I've seen people leave almost every class.  Except today, when a person got up to go and got told to sit back down.  The instructors vary on their water breaks, too - which, by the way is $3 per bottle if you didn't bring your own.  There is NO water fountain there.  Why would there be.    Some instructors say you can't have water except on scheduled breaks, period.  Some let you have it, but never 'during poses'.  You're almost always in a pose, unless it's a scheduled water break, so I don't understand how that works.   I sipped water whenever I felt like it.    

4.  I smell lawsuits coming.  I didn't sign any paperwork, and the studio makes less disclaimers than the gym yoga classes.  Like, none, really - except that if you're new, you shouldn't be in the front row.  There are so many people in the room, and particularly when they run the price reduction specials - you really don't know what physical shape people are in.   When you tell them they can't leave the room, can't have water, and it's OK to feel nauseated and lightheaded - you are paving your way to trouble.   That's your body telling you to knock off what you're doing.  It's been perfected over time, and pretty dependable, just like the location and access to your internal organs.     

5.  And finally - the inconsistencies.  The constant, "Push harder, harder, - your joints should hurt, it's ok to feel lightheaded, push on - press on, it's only 10 more seconds.."  And later, "yoga is not about depth.. it's about breathing, and stillness, and depth will come through them, so never go past your breath".

So, here's the thing, if you make someone squat, stretch, and try to push to have their forehead planted on the floor, between your feet - punctuated by sit ups, in a 110" room or hotter, and be all militant about it,  they are probably going past their breath.  Some are close to passing out.   Otherwise - why would you tell them to lay down and catch their breath after each try?  Hmm.  

5. "Breathe through your nose, because breathing through your mouth activates the fight or flight response" - And you get panicky and want to leave.   All 3 instructors talked about the importance of sticking it out.  About how you want to leave the whole time.  All the time.  Fight or flight.  "Your body wants to leave, and your mind is trying to help.  You don't really want to pee, your mind is playing tricks on you.  It's trying to help your body leave this room".    Umm.  I don't know about you, but I can't keep dedicating 90 minutes to an activity that my body hates so much, all the time, now and in the future, that it makes stuff up.   Fake peeing is nothing to joke about.  

 Having read about this Bikram guy, and his 40 Roll Royces collection, I have a feeling it's important to keep coming back to help him add to his collection.      

I think Bikram, in trying to marry the peacefulness and stillness of yoga to a very trendy, marketable, allegedly calorie burning, profitable fitness miracle has created a mess.  A trendy, stinky, very profitable mess - although I must admit, having sweated out 2 liters of water, and finally stepping out into actually fresh air - I did feel more alive and invigorated.   In part, because I escaped and live to tell the story.  

I read all sorts of estimates of what Bikram yoga session might burn - as low as 300, and as high as 1200 calories.  My feeling is it's in the lower numbers, and your body's natural response to artificial stimuli exaggerates your perception of the benefits.  Even at that, it doesn't last.  I do feel more bendy, and stretchy afterwards, but I never feel like I used up massive amounts of my energy the way other activities make me feel.   I know that in 90 minutes of running, or even lazy jogging I can wreck some calories. 

I have yet to leave the yoga studio and feel like I have earned an extra serving of cupcakes in my near future.

In short, even though I don't like it much either, I'll stick to running and 24Fitness yoga classes in regular old boring room temperature.   

Newport Consignment Gallery – Review

In short, it sucks.

It’s in Newport Beach, and a few blocks away from my work, so I thought it’d be fun to frolic there during lunch sometimes. They’ve changed their name a few times and there’s always a “For Sale or Lease” sign up. For a couple years now. Every once in a while they put out the “Going out of business – 75% off!” sign. Also, going on for a couple years. Not sure what’s happening there, may be a shady sales technique.  They don't seem to be going away, and nothing in there is 75% off.  Not even the Christmas stuff.  (More on that later)

They used to be called Rags to Riches. It seems the name implied that they purchase Rags and expect to get Riches. At your expense, of course. Now it’s called Newport Consignment Gallery/Thrift Shop.

I don’t know what offends me more.. the fact that at the end of January their Christmas stuff is more expensive that Target’s Christmas stuff before Christmas, or the fact that they write their offensive pricing in permanent marker right on the merchandize – wood furniture, fabric, paintings, etc. I love me a thrift shop skirt, but do I really want my ass to say “19.99”? And WHO pays 19.99 for a skirt at a thrift shop?

Jesse pointed out at some very well run in gym shoes for 39.99. The New Balance ones that TJ MAXX regularly sells, new, for about as much. NEW. I’m not a big thrift store shoe person anyway (gotta draw a line somewhere, and mine is shoes – I think other people’s foot sweat is pass out gross, and it’s not like I can throw leather pumps into an extra hot wash for 4-5 cycles.)

Their stuff does get marked down, the longer it stays there. But the Christmas stuff speaks for itself. There’s also a bent plywood chair that has been $3000 the entire time the shop’s been open. That one ain’t getting reduced. There was a pretty cool natural crystal (the rock kind) chandelier for $900.

And a painting I liked. ($399)  I can get behind expensive paintings, I guess.  Art and all.  This one looked like a Picasso nobody knows about.  Except it was signed by a different dude. 

They also had this awesome rocking/high chair that I would like to have made in my full adult size.  It has a screw type mechanism in back, that would lower and rise it, and the little tray lifted up.  $199

Their greatest offense was two sewing machines out by the exit. Both were treadles, a Domestic one, with a pretty wood cabinet with wood appliques, and drawers full of original parts, tin with attachments, bobbins, needles, etc. It was $199.

And then a remake of a treadle machine. The ‘made in China’ "modern antique" version of the treadle machines is inferior to the original ones in every way, anyway and this one looked tacky, in a super crappy plywood cabinet, that was falling apart, and looked like a poor Ikea assembly job to begin with. Glue and screws everywhere and gross all over. That one was $399.   It's an offense to humanity and should be burned, with the cast iron bits remelted into some pots and pans. 

Actually, I take the above back.  The above sewing machine business offended me as a proud sewing machine owner.  Somebody's school craft project took the cake: 

$14.99.  (I mean, I appreciate the religious theme, but)  And, it was on the Christmas clearance shelf. 

On the way out we saw a bicycle from the 80’s, going for $200. I don’t know why they bothered chaining it – nobody would dream of even test riding it.

Bad. All, very very bad.

So, instead I ventured into Huntington Beach's awesome Goodwill and picked up two brilliant skirts for $10.  Which was $4 less than a Christmas craft yarn candy dish type thing.  Go figure.  (Even though I *really* wasn't supposed to get any more clothes till I clean out my closet.  Fail)

In a related story, is it OK to wear mini skirts over yoga pants?  Giraffy said yes, and she's typically the first to jump all over me over really minor fashion offenses..  I LOVE the idea of mini skirts.. but every time I put one on, it's like Slutty Central..  Yoga pants might be the answer to a Snork's severely underused mini skirt closet shelf. 

Jewelry Exchange (Tustin, CA) – Review

I’ve been seeing commercials for Jewelry Exchange back in Chicago, years ago. They had them in Florida, too, and when this weekend it kept airing late Saturday night for the Southern California Tustin location, I decided I had to go see it.



Plainly, I thought they must just give diamonds away. Their commercials more or less suggest that for a few hundreds dollars you’re walking away knee deep in carats. I mean, they don’t say it outright, but it’s there subliminally. Basically, I figured it would be like the Los Angeles Jewelry District. Messy, cheap, good. Give or take a couple street vendor hot dog carts.

First of all, to start off a chain of disappointments, there were no hot dog carts.

It ain’t messy. They have a post office ‘take a number’ system. Though, Jesse and I hung out around counters and sales people would ask at random if we needed help. When you get around to it, they introduce you to a 'diamond consultant', who can sign out ONE diamond at a time. So, if you wanted to look at a couple side by side, you can’t – unless they get a second sales person to come in. It takes forever, between the items. This is the case for loose diamonds, anyway. The salesperson goes back to the “vault’, signs 80 clipboards, talks to a ‘manager’, signs a few more clipboards. Repeat for taking a stone back and getting a new one.

It wasn’t cheap. It was comparable to other retailers. Yes, you would pay more and have a much smaller selection of you went to Kay, Zales, or another mall establishment. But the variety of other ‘wholesale diamond retailers’ have the same prices. Our salesperson did mention they would work with you on the price. I don’t know to what extent, since we weren’t making an offer.

As for being good – I guess it ought be broken down into the product and the service.
If you know what you’re looking for, they have good quality diamonds. From our experience, you have to be pretty specific in what you want. I asked to see only GIA/EGL certified stones with specific parameters. He wanted “the stone to speak to us, before he presented its credentials”. When I pointed out I can see the inclusion pretty easily, he ignored me amd pressed on about the beauty of the stone. He then broke out a loupe so we can see the 'almost invisible inclusions'. Twice, we did this, with two different stones.

When I asked to see an I-J colour and a high clarity grade, he became visibly frustrated and came back with a heavily included G colour, that was the cheapest stone we had seen. Then he asked us if we were buying that day. The inference was, that if were aren’t to buy that day, what’s the point of dealing with us.

Our particular salesman was not rude. He was actually really nice, and once set on track, he would stay there. He expressed the hope that “the stones made a bigger impression than their representation" and that we would be back. In the background, though, two people were being pressured for a non refundable deposit. When one of them said no, a sales lady threw a fit. Literally. Doesn't do much for a warm fuzzy feeling.

They push strongly for this deposit. Jesse heard a sales lady say, "What, are you going to drag her in here?" because a young man was getting ready to leave. I heard a, “You want to make sure this diamond is still here”. Because a 'wholesale’ place that specializes in buying heaps of diamonds can't come up with another diamond for you? That’s assuming hoards of people shop there, and a majority of them after your particular diamond. Yeah, right.

I have since read online that their terms of agreement on said deposit are abhorrent, and are a sole reason to walk away. I have also read their reviews from various locations across the country, and 90% of them are terrible. Not bad. Terrible. Their terms of agreement also states they are not responsible for damage to a stone while in their care, and will only recut/repolish it. Umm. Re-cutting a stone? Oh, and “they are not responsible for loss of weight and stone value”. Of course not. I read about consistent refusals to work with previous customers on fixing their errors.

I guess by itself, it wouldn’t be a huge issue, had not 80% of reviews talked about damaged jewelry. These 80 and another 15% talked about the quality of their jewelry, all made in-house, as per their website. All terrible. Well. All 95%, but I'm all about statistics and probability.

Our salesperson told us it should be the last place we come. Because having seen all the other places, we will be ‘illuminated’ by the quality and diversity they offer, and their “lowest in California” prices. I was ‘illuminated’ by the fact that they can get some people to put down a deposit.

Having said that, they have a selection that you can see in person, which is a plus over shopping online, as he pointed out. Armed with the specs of a diamond you need, down to the table/girdle/culet measurements, and a price you’re willing to pay, you can go in there and be confident they will have a loose stone that matches your needs. We saw a beautiful .9 carat J colour VS2 Cushion Cut. He quoted us 3,300. Mondera.com offers identical in description stones for $2,300.

But, if you don’t mind the car dealership – manager – salesperson – back-and forth, you can work with them on a price. Judging from 100’s of online reviews though, I would definitely have it set elsewhere. And I definitely wouldn’t go there, hoping to be “illuminated”.

Don't let the waving commerical people fool you. It is a bit disappointing. They can be downright mean, if you don’t buy anything. And it might be a little scary if you do.