Born to Run. The Disneyland Half Marathon.

It's been so long since I've blogged, (I've had time to grow a whole o t h e r human.  Not Mouse, a second one.) that I don't remember if I've mocked Mr Snork's reading and implementing tips from a book called Born to Run.  I don't even remember what the book was about, possibly a barefoot runner and a remote tribe of barefoot running people in Mexico - I can't say, but one thing that's come out of him reading that book is the title is forever stuck in my head.  As in, Mr Snork is most definately NOT born to run.  He's tried it barefoot, and with trail shoes, and with supportive shoes, ..  and no matter how he tries, stuff always happens, blisters, cramps, mysterious pains, sprains, etc.  Sometimes, he needs only to jog a block before one or several ailments nail him.  NOT born to run.  Not at all.

But, it's turned out that quite possibly, I WAS born to run.  I think if I was less lazy and less into Scrabble in high school, and joined a track team, I'd be really good at it.  As it is, I'm nothing special, except that, I can do it.  Barefoot.  In socks.  In Zems.  In New Balance Minimus, in Sketchers GoRun (favorite).  Once I got going, at the tender young age of 28?  27?  I've had very few issues with it.

Most recently, I took a year and a half off.  I think.  Littlest is 7 months.  So, 7 months of her being here, and last 6 months of the pregnancy I have done zero things related to fitness.  Eeeevery once in a while I would make an effort, but once you get out of shape, man..  it's just not there anymore.  And once you grow out of your fitness clothes you have nothing to wear to the gym.  Or outside.  And you can't go to the gym naked.

So, I embraced eating every kind of thing, and lounging.  And maternity clothing.  I love maternity clothing.  Pants that look like slacks but are actually elastic waisted?  Stop it.  Why wear anything else, ever.

And then, recently, I've been sort of trying to get back in shape.  ONLY because while I adore my maternity clothes, it's a limited repertoire.  And I have this whole giant closet of the "other' clothes.  And the Lululemon skirts.  I am pretty sure I can't afford to replace them all two sizes bigger.  And, if I decided to have another baby, I feel like stacking a pregnancy on top of a really out of shape body might inspire me to just quit ever trying.   Embrace my 5 month belly, and invest in eternal wardrobe of empire waisted things.

So, I've been attempting to run.  And it's sucked every time.  The second wind is not there, and the cardio isn't, and I'm bigger, so my knees complain, blah, blah.  Also, STILL lazy, and very inconsistent and it's hard to build cardio when you go once every 2 months.

 A little bit ago, Littlest turned 6 months, and I signed her up for the 24HourFitness KidsClub.   Paying for two kids now, is almost as much as out membership, so I make it a point to go at least 5 times a month.  To at LEAST break even.  Because it would kill me if 24Hour got $ for free, and after all,  since I checked out for the past 13 months (Mr Snork followed suit), really they made a great year off us.  No more.

So I've gone 5 times, may be.   Ran 3 miles each time.  Last week, I ran 4 with OCRunClub.  And this Sunday I ran a half marathon.  That's 13.1 miles.  That's 10 more miles than I've run anytime since more than a year ago.  In something like 3:08.  My Garmin says the actual 'moving' time was 2:49.  Initially, I was hoping to be able to speed walk it just in time to avoid getting swept off the course.

AND.  Not only did I do it, I only spent one day afterward feeling like my legs might actually fall off.   I put those thing on ice, and crossed my fingers.   Second day was just faintly sore.   Third day (today) I feel just fine.  And, a little bit great, because I'm so proud of myself.

 It was really hard, and I was going to walk the 'rest of it'  on and off from mile 6 on.  I walked all of mile 12.  And all, ALL aid stations.  Which, bless Disney, there were quite a bit off.  Just when you start to lose hope and faith in your feet, shoes, weather, and decisions in life, an aid station would crop up, with all the super nice people cheering and handing you water (or doughnuts), and all would be OK again.

At first, I thought I'd puke for sure.  But then, it was the best thing.  EVER.

The 'magic in every mile helps'.  Vintage cars, hip hop dancers, cheerleading squads, etc, perk you up.

Princesses along the way?  Check

Motivational posters?  Check.

Monkeys with cymbals?  Check.

  If you were to run a half marathon with no training whatsoever, the Disney one is definately the one.  I got to dress up like Piglet.  Because it was the Disneyland half marathon, and Piglets are welcome, and my friends were already Pooh, Eyore, and Tigger.   I sewed a Piglet shirt the night before, so, I got to run, sew, burn 1300 calories,  get an awesome medal,  and at LEAST (I lost count running through stadium full of kids) 30 "Go Piglet!"s.

13 months of lazy = lots of JoAnn's trips.  A bolt of sparkly Piglet fabric in the closet?  Check.

 Piglet tried hard to bail a few times on the whole running thing, but every time, the rest of the group would slow down, wait up, and I'd feel like I could run again.  Sometimes they'd trick me.  Like, "hey, after that light pole, you could totally run".  And it seemed like I totally could.  Weird.  Group running is key.  A lone Piglet would have veered off course around mile 5, found a nearest InnOut, and would have called her husband to come get her.

Piglet has no resolve on her own..

And now, I'm excited about running again.  Because it turns out, I still can.  I might slowly let go off the cookie dough addiction.  I registered for the Holiday Half.  (Snowflake medal!).  I got some Lululemon running pants.   (to hide the cookie dough thigh situation that's a thing right now...) and I'm looking up fancy running medal racks.   Because running is just not fun when you do it the cheap way.  :(

Must.have.

 I'm getting Mr Snork back into it with me.  He's amazing as pit crew (shielding me from children while I sew, getting all my stuff charged and ready, and showing up at the finish line with a McGriddle), but I love it when we run together.  Mostly, to talk sht, about how, he definately, was not born to run.  But, possibly, and in light of recent events, very likely - I was.  HA!

Best McGriddle ever had by a human being anywhere, ever.

Running Sucks, I Rock.

I don't know how it is that sometimes, I can run 9 miles with giraffe, and it's glorious, and then other times, I'm flailing all over the beach boardwalk, for 10 miles - and it's the worst thing ever.  Seriously.  I was all over the place, slowing down, acting like I'm having cardiac arrest issues, trying to get water from sprinklers that unexpectedly shoot mist at your crotch area, stumbling around bars because I lost the beach trail.

There was an episode where I thought I would run along the water, gracefully, and be all, one with the waves.  Except it turned out running in the sand is hard, waves are faster than me, and sneaky.  Also, running in the sand sideways sucks, and, in general, I would make a terrible, slow crab that would get picked off on the first day of being crab.

At the end of the beach there was an old guy playing harmonica, and I didn't realize that I ran up behind him, determined to touch the rock wall like there was a prize for it, and scared the shit out of him.  He was knee deep in the water, being actually all - one with the waves, and I spoiled it.   I still had 2 more miles to suffer, so I didn't even apologize properly.  Sorry, old guy who almost lost his footing, and possibly harmonica.   You were very good before I got there.

I finished off my conquest of the Kaanapali Beach weaving the golf course, even after I realized they had games going.  I was still barefoot from the beach, I had tossed my shoes away  by the hotel (because I thought running back to that point was going to be 10 miles and was wrong), and I figured the somewhat likely chance of black out via golf ball was still better than the much likelier chance of gouging feet on asphalt.   My time:  2h, 6 minutes.  But I walked all of mile 4, at 18 minute pace (the sun had risen and I wasn't prepared for it) so, really, it's better than it looks.

Then I soaked in the ocean immediately after, and lazy jogged a mile next morning (yesterday) to make sure I wasn't totally broken.   And snorkeled, a lot, since I AM on vacation.   I'm OK, it turns out.  Amazing.

I was all but done with the running business, thinking I'd exchange it for snorkeling, until Mr Snork showed me a video of myself diving for sea glass.  It's not pretty.  It seems when I dive, I can never get either my ass or my flippers under water.  I look kind of like my hands are stuck in the sand, AND I'm getting attacked by a very mean fish.   Then I pop up, empty the mask, take a breath, and circle around looking for that piece I never did get, and it happens all over again.  That sea glass jewelry business idea will have to wait.

Today I made myself run the charted 5 miles, and it was totally fine.  All 53 minutes of it.  My fastest 5 miles ever.  I'm pleased.  Pleased that I made myself go, that Mr Snork took Mouse duty and cheered me on, that I possibly burned off the half pound of Nutella I ate earlier, and that I I kept a pretty consistent 10:xx pace  throughout.  I mean, I was dying in the end, and that cursed golf course is always in the way, and is not lit up at night, and my Ipod does not light up sufficiently to avoid sand traps, but whatever.   10:xx minute miles times 5?!  I should offer myself up for the Olympics.  They'd be crazy to pass all this up.

On a side note, why is there a swarm of people in the gym, looking longingly at the sunset/sunrise/ocean through the giant, sad glass window, every time I ran past the fancy Hyatt?    Come outside, people.  Leave the concrete.  Be one with nature.

The Second Wind DOES Exist.

It's not that I don't trust Giraffy, I just thought she was lying.

A little white lie to keep me going, kind of like, "Let's go run, it'll be great".   It's never really great.    But by then, I have shown up, in a sports bra and everything, and I may as well try and lose those 2 Butterfinger bars that were truly great with tea last night.

I thought it was part of her ploy to get me to realize that there IS, in fact running after the occasional 5k.   She suggested I train for a half marathon, after I turned green and died of jealousy at all the Tinkerbell Half fun had without me.

I ran 4 miles a few times, and then 5, and then 7, and then a magical thing happened.  I realized that after the first 3 miles (so, a 5k), all of a sudden, it truly gets easier.  It's counterintuitive, because my brain after 3 miles is ready for the shower, bed, cookies, whatever I've promised and delivered before.  But, somewhere something else clicks, and it's like your body gives up.  But in a good way -  "OK, I guess, if you insist, we can do this together.."  Breathing is easier, legs find a rythm, and all of a sudden you feel like you can do this, for a while, and you're going to be just fine.   It's almost a teeny bit enjoyable.  Not GREAT, mind you, but not bad.  In contrast to the recent 5k's I've ran without training or practice, where I felt like I might pass out right after the finish line banana.  Who knew you can keep going after all that?

As a built in bonus, once 3 miles is no longer your longest distance ever, it starts to look and feel really short.   Hard to believe that around this time last year, I'd hop off the treadmill at 1 mile and congratulate myself on having gone that far.

I hope someone as lazy as me reads this and gets inspired - from couch to 5K to ..?  Who knows.   Couple years ago I couldn't jog a quarter mile.    Giraffy and I started jalking - jog-walking couple years ago,  ending our 'workouts' with a beer.  She's now running crazy mileage each week, and training for a marathon, I'm training for a half.  My total miles for March were 68!    It crept up so slowly, and one day few weeks ago, we were jogging at a steady pace, and talking, and it occured to me, we were TALKING, and running, at the same time, for a while now.  I guess that moment was a little bit great.

This Saturday we ran 9 miles - to a little nature preserve near by.   Getting up at 5:30 am for me is super ugly.  But we got there, and the sun was rising, the birds were chirping, the morning fog was drifting over the streams as we crossed them.  It feels surreal to have a place like that in the middle of Orange County, block away from a shopping center, and commercial center.  I really wished I had brought my Nikon, but I'm guessing constant shaking for 2 hours is not good for it.  I was tired for a couple days afterwards and unreasonably hungry.  Like, burned 900 calories, but wanted to eat the entire supermarket.  But I felt great.

I still  don't like running.  The actual feet shuffling part of it, KILLS me the first 2-3 miles, every time.  You'd think it would get better, but it's like your body forgets and hopes you did too, and acts all shocked that you're doing it all over again.  But the larger picture - being in shape, getting places the way your body was meant to, being able to eat all of the desert aisle without much guilt or consequence, and the top of the world feeling at the end of each long run - those are a little bit great.    

Did I mention 9 whole miles??!  9 of them!  All made possible by the totally real second wind - that kicks in around mile 4 and for me, lasted until about mile 9.  That last one mile I really wanted nothing to do with, except that it was getting me home.  Average pace 11:40.  (How do I know this?)  Mr Snork got me a  Garmin Forunner.  Which, by the way is the other really cool thing about running - all the accessories.  A GPS watch.  The skirts.  The headbands.  The medals.   Its really a never ending pool of positive reinforcement possibilities.

Bikram Yoga Is a Terrible Way to Spend Your Time. - Review

It sucks.  There, I said it.  

These Groupons will be the death of me.  I thought it was such a good deal, and I know a couple people who seem to really like it, so I bought and signed up for the $25 for 25 sessions, dragging the running Giraffe with me.  Without the coupon, their pricing is outrageous, and I having gone, I don't see where the money goes - to heat up the room?   

--Scratch that, I looked up Bikram the Man talking about making "about 10 million a month".  So, I guess, I know where it goes.  Meanwhile, 24 Hour Fitness charges a tiny fraction of that, and offers yoga classes.  And babysitting.  And they are way nicer.  And don't smell like feet.   But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I went a few times, just to make sure, that I wasn't being a sissy.  I didn't want to be a quitter, and I didn't want to have $25 go to waste.   So, I guess I AM, in fact a quitter, but the $25 did not go to waste, I now KNOW what it's like, and it's not pretty.  

Out of the three instructors I had, two were pretty good, and one was not so good, and really, kinda mean.  It was during her long, tedious 90 minute reign that I had a chance to gather my thoughts about what really irks me about the her, Bikram, and the whole thing in general:

1.  Who is Bikram?  I did some rudimentary internet research, and it appears he is a liar who makes a lot of money.  And knows some yoga stuff.   I also think he is a tremendously successful businessman.  He is also the one personally certifying the teachers - and it appears that his medical background is next to non existant.  So, when the instructor started talking about how - the deeper you bend, the harder you squeeze - your various organs are getting compressed, and then decompressed, and all the fresh oxygenated blood is rushing to them, I was a little skeptical.  

 I feel like thousands of years of evolution have been at work to make sure that I don't squish my kidneys and liver every time I bend down to vacuum the sideboards.  I just don't think it's that easy to wring out your internal organs. I don't think pulling my knees to my chest will do it.  At some point, I started feeling like I'm really going to need this instructor to show me a medical degree if she's going to keep that up.  It all sounded a little too, "The earth is flat" to me.  

2.  Speaking of freshly oxygenating your organs:  I mentioned the room smells like feet.  Dirty, stinky feet, that haven't been washed in a long time.  You'd think they could spring for a steam cleaning more often, with all that money coming in.  150+ people in a room worth of income.  It's costs $28 to rent a carpet steamer at Vons.   The smell hits you pretty hard in the beginning, and, then, as you get adjusted to your new steamy, murky, hot surroundings, it mercifully dissipates.  Until towards the last 3rd of the class, when you start getting a little nauseated - it comes back, and it hits you pretty hard.  It occurred to me I really don't want this dirty foot oxygen anywhere near my organs.  Really, the very existence of oxygen, fresh or otherwise is questionable, since 150 people are using it, too, and the room is locked up.  

3.  You can't leave the room, or at least they try to make you stay.  I've seen people leave to puke.  I've seen people leave almost every class.  Except today, when a person got up to go and got told to sit back down.  The instructors vary on their water breaks, too - which, by the way is $3 per bottle if you didn't bring your own.  There is NO water fountain there.  Why would there be.    Some instructors say you can't have water except on scheduled breaks, period.  Some let you have it, but never 'during poses'.  You're almost always in a pose, unless it's a scheduled water break, so I don't understand how that works.   I sipped water whenever I felt like it.    

4.  I smell lawsuits coming.  I didn't sign any paperwork, and the studio makes less disclaimers than the gym yoga classes.  Like, none, really - except that if you're new, you shouldn't be in the front row.  There are so many people in the room, and particularly when they run the price reduction specials - you really don't know what physical shape people are in.   When you tell them they can't leave the room, can't have water, and it's OK to feel nauseated and lightheaded - you are paving your way to trouble.   That's your body telling you to knock off what you're doing.  It's been perfected over time, and pretty dependable, just like the location and access to your internal organs.     

5.  And finally - the inconsistencies.  The constant, "Push harder, harder, - your joints should hurt, it's ok to feel lightheaded, push on - press on, it's only 10 more seconds.."  And later, "yoga is not about depth.. it's about breathing, and stillness, and depth will come through them, so never go past your breath".

So, here's the thing, if you make someone squat, stretch, and try to push to have their forehead planted on the floor, between your feet - punctuated by sit ups, in a 110" room or hotter, and be all militant about it,  they are probably going past their breath.  Some are close to passing out.   Otherwise - why would you tell them to lay down and catch their breath after each try?  Hmm.  

5. "Breathe through your nose, because breathing through your mouth activates the fight or flight response" - And you get panicky and want to leave.   All 3 instructors talked about the importance of sticking it out.  About how you want to leave the whole time.  All the time.  Fight or flight.  "Your body wants to leave, and your mind is trying to help.  You don't really want to pee, your mind is playing tricks on you.  It's trying to help your body leave this room".    Umm.  I don't know about you, but I can't keep dedicating 90 minutes to an activity that my body hates so much, all the time, now and in the future, that it makes stuff up.   Fake peeing is nothing to joke about.  

 Having read about this Bikram guy, and his 40 Roll Royces collection, I have a feeling it's important to keep coming back to help him add to his collection.      

I think Bikram, in trying to marry the peacefulness and stillness of yoga to a very trendy, marketable, allegedly calorie burning, profitable fitness miracle has created a mess.  A trendy, stinky, very profitable mess - although I must admit, having sweated out 2 liters of water, and finally stepping out into actually fresh air - I did feel more alive and invigorated.   In part, because I escaped and live to tell the story.  

I read all sorts of estimates of what Bikram yoga session might burn - as low as 300, and as high as 1200 calories.  My feeling is it's in the lower numbers, and your body's natural response to artificial stimuli exaggerates your perception of the benefits.  Even at that, it doesn't last.  I do feel more bendy, and stretchy afterwards, but I never feel like I used up massive amounts of my energy the way other activities make me feel.   I know that in 90 minutes of running, or even lazy jogging I can wreck some calories. 

I have yet to leave the yoga studio and feel like I have earned an extra serving of cupcakes in my near future.

In short, even though I don't like it much either, I'll stick to running and 24Fitness yoga classes in regular old boring room temperature.   

CDM5k "Success"

I was pretty psyched that I came in 518th. Out of like, 3,000 people. Nope. Out of 680.

76th percentile.  As in, not even in the top three quarters. 

And, why is it that every 'official' picture of me looks terrible? I was really hoping for a Baywatch type slow - motion captured on film, long flowing hair, bouncy boobs and everything. Fail.

Giraffy looks super awesome, and totally in Baywatch mode, and I look like I'm reciting the little drummers part in the Nutcracker. 

36:32 minutes. 

More training in order. 

On the bright side, Mr Snork's pictures look like he's taking a poop, so that's pleasing.  Does that make me a bad partner? 

Aside from the Giraffy household being definately more in motion photogenic, it was very scenic.  That there is Pacific Ocean in the background, my friends. 

And some creepy awesome flowers. 

And, there was creme brulee at the end.  AND, chicks stopped me to ask what I did to my shirt, cause I shortened it, did a swirly embroider thing on the sleeves and gathered the shoulders.  So, it's almost like I had fans.  I felt very celebrity like. 

Also, let's dicuss this look:

I think I might like it.  I think I want those boots. 

I do. 

I definately do. 

5k Badassery

Giraffy and I did 3 miles last night, on the official June Corona Del Mar 5k course (hills and all).  Our time was 3 minutes better than last time.  Ha.  So was our moving average. 

Last year, giraffy and I used to do .5 mile on the elliptical and collapse into a hot tub with a beer, completely worn out, saying unflattering things about ellipticals, treadmills, and their relatives.  We also did pretty slow and leaisurely walks on the peninsula, followed by a local serving establishment.  I don't recall breaking much of a sweat ever.  Except the one time, when we walked in the sand - then the sweating freaked us out and we immediately turned back, having only gone may be 1/4 mile past the beer. 

We stepped it up with gym visits this year,  and a really modified, relaxed 'Couch to 5K' program.  Walk 90 seconds, run 30, swear a little while walking 90 seconds, rinse, repeat. 

Now we meet to run practice 5k's.  I'm so pleased and proud of us.  Gym buddy system WIN!  Yesterday we alternated walking and running a block.  I think next week we'll try alternating running 2 blocks, walking one.  I'll spring it on Giraffy and see how it pans out.  Ha. 

The significant others took off in a flurry of heels, and Mr Snork was last seen with a vicious calf/hamstring cramp combination (two different legs), and talking about Mr Giraffy "bouncing like Tigger".   Haaa. 

Gym Win (4x Week) and Hair Madness

We were at gym like losers on Friday night, so why not end it same way. I was really froggy in the afternoon, but after dinner and nap, only the thought that Heather will strangle me with her yoga mat Monday if I stand her up, got me off the couch. Thanks to J's 4th attempt at wake up call.

Elliptistupidness and twice around circuit training. That'll teach me to drink margaritas and eat Trader Joe Joe's by the pound.

In other news, it is time for my weekly hair washing.  Well, twice-a-weekly washing.  I'm thinking of skipping the vinegar rinse this time and the next.  I washed it last two times with some homemade soap from Bluebonnet Trails, and rinsed with vinegar.   First time I wasn't sure about the soap, so I only used a bit.  I didn't want to to spoil the grossnessfest by introducing something that might, *gasp* clean.  No, but really, I wanted to make sure I'm not regressing back to shampoo-like stuff.  But it didn't strip the hair, it didn't even dry out the hair as bad as baking soda.  Last Wednesday  I used plenty of soap (I missed suds) so I'm officially off baking soda and onto this soap thing.  Which will also allow me to finally colour my hair again.  The roots are ghastly. 

I still have the Super Fancy Whole Foods conditioner, but I haven't really used it much.  It's no Pantene, and as such, it seems useless.  I want to see what soap alone does.  The hair, as it is now is doing OK.  They grey crap that was in it seems to have fallen off, travelled down the hair shaft, or however else it disappears.  There's no longer mass amounts of it on my head, making me feel like a hobo.  I noticed the hair doesn't get greasy on the front as it normally would by day 3 post wash,  but it does in the back.  Kind of opposite of what it used to be.  Hopefully this back of the head business levels itself out.  Any day now, I can picture just washing my hair with water.  With water lillies and candles in the back ground.  It's a well developed dream.

Meanwhile, the soap thing is kind of neat, since I can use it for hair and body and de-clutter my shower.  It also is less likely to spill in my luggage, what with being a solid bar and all, or run amok all over my week's worth of clothing in my vehicle when camping.  I wonder what the cost difference is, but I don't have any of the necessary data to run comparisons.  I'm guessing it's probably cheaper.  If it ever gets too expensive, I guess I can cut down the bathing to once a week and ration the soap. 

Now I'm motivated to go raid the scary under the sink cabinet in the bathroom and toss some things out.  Like the foundation that I haven't used since high school, but can't quite part with, you know..

Gym Is Finally A WIN

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Granted, I ate today a bunch of Trader Joe's Joe Joes. If you don't know what that is, it's best for you. It's like cookie crack. I followed this up with a loaf of bread and a saucer of olive oil and garlic. So, the gym thing is kinda a wash, but not even, since I ate a lot more than 300 calories.

HOWEVER.

I was telling Heather, whom I plucked out of near nap to go to the gym (it was her idea to begin with), that for the first time today, I got to the gym, stepped on the elliptical and didn't feel like I was fighting to stay upright and breathe by minute 5.

We started ellipticalling this summer, though not very regularly, and I remember it was hard for us. HARD. By .75 of a mile we were both hoping the other is ready to quit. It was pretty theatrical up at Heather's apartment gym. But we weren't very consistent, which I think got in the way of us getting better.

We have been doing the gym thing for 4 weeks now, 3 times a week about. Jesse read somewhere that it takes 30 days of repeating behavior to form a habit. I felt today was a breakthrough. Not only did we get up, out of our warm house, stopped sewing (in my case) and made it to the gym, but it just felt right. After all, having eaten a loaf of bread for dinner, it really should feel right. I felt antsy after dinner.

Not only did gym feel like a natural part of the day, when we got there, and I hopped on the elliptical - even though I haven't really done it much, I felt fine. I didn't even sweat the first 5-7 minutes. Usually, by then I am trying to slither off it as gracefully as possible and go walk a treadmill or something less challenging. Like a beer by the pool.

I shared this with Heather, and she agreed, she's had a similar experience with running on treadmill this week. (Even though when she showed at the gym today, she acted like I had just skinned a favorite kitten of hers throughout most of the 'circuit trainin' deal. But we're supposed to motivate each other, so she sucked it up eventually. I think. ) We haven't even made it to the treadmill portion of the gym in our class taking. By the time the classes are over we are tired, the legs are trembling, and we either hot tub or go home. We dare not try run before class, lest it causes us to collapse halfway through the class. And the classes still kick my ass, the 4th week in. It doesn't feel any easier. Doing lunges on one leg for what seems like an hour is still a sucky way to spend what feels like an hour.

My favorite class so far is Everlast Shadow Boxing. Like every other class, it wasn't at all what I expected. You don't get to punch stuff for an hour straight. Instead, for 40 minutes (with two 30 second water breaks) you "train like a boxer", which apparently involves jumping rope for 2 minutes, doing jumping jacks, 'mountain climbers', running like madman in one place, and generally acting like you're on crack, punctuated by a few 'boxing combos'. By the time the combos are introduced I'm about to ready to pass out from the rope jumping nonsense, so I flail around with my fists aimlessly. However, I see great potential. Two weeks ago I spent about a third of the class standing around, wondering if I can make an unnoticed exit. Last week it was only may be a fifth of the class. It's getting better.

I haven't lost any weight, (can't be the Joe Joe's, can it?) But my body fat has gone done from 25.1 a month ago to 23.1 now, and I can spend a half hour on the elliptical, and feel good about it. I hope this post reminds me why it's important to keep this up - it is HARD to get back on the gym wagon once you fall off, even briefly. But when you're on, if feels AWESOME. Not to mention that I no longer send $20 to 24HourFitness just for giggles once every month, it's actually FOR something. WIN.

Gym Win, No Poo Fail

Few things to address today.

24Hr Yoga yesterday – awesome. Nice, beginner, explaining all the positions, none of which required to have your foot tucked behind your ear. Something to do with the beginning of the year. The 24 CORE class, was like the SET class that about did me in. It was like SET on crack. It never stopped. There was a lot of high speed step jumping while weight lifting. I was near delirious by the end of it, and didn’t even notice I was trickered into the following Abs class. Or may be I was just so excited to finally lay down on the floor, that I forgot to look at the clock.

No Poo Day 3. In case you weren’t aware, I read online, and thought it a good idea to try a no shampoo routine.
Well, I couldn’t NOT wash my hair after thrashing around the gym class floor for two hours, so I did a water only wash. After all, it’s called the No Shampoo Method. Not the “No Wash Method”. But since the hair has been feeling nice and straw like, I skipped the vinegar rinse, and instead did conditioner rinse for the ends.
Let me tell you, it is not clean today. I mean. It’s not filthy. But it ain’t clean. And I scrubbed, or ‘massaged’ in little circles, and everything. It looks a little cleaner than 3 days post wash normally would. But not by much.
I don’t have dandruff or anything, so that helps. But it has that.. faintly greasy feeling. You know, like if something washed it, but didn’t use shampoo.. It helps that I have bangs. Those seem to have washed well. So, the front of my face is nice and fluffy. ‘Fluffy’, is what the hair is doing. You might call it volume. I guess. I don’t.
In addition to this, I braided it today, and it looks like it might have to stay braided to avoid knots. It’s got a funny texture. If they made an Herbal Essences for my hair, it’d be “Fluffy, Dry, Super Prone to Knotty”. I’m pretty suspicious of it, actually. This morning, it seemed like while I was trying to brush one side of my head, the other side was carefully weaving itself into a doily. I should have cut the hair before this little experiment. But I can’t give up now. I will venture forth, for now.

I’m torn between keeping up this baking soda wash (which will actually clean) and doing a conditioner rise only. I feel like baking soda might win. May be baking soda AND conditioner rinse. Cause, I can only sport the Heidi hairstyle for so long. The only catch is the Super Duper Conditioner (Whole Foods, $11, small bottle) is silicone free. . Which, apparently means it’s not slippery (it’s really not). So, on the bright side – it washes out easily. On the down side – you know that nice, slippery feeling your hair gets after a good dose of Pantene? Yeah. Not so much.

Thx, Salvation Army!

Jesse says he saw it first.



Which would make sense, since he’s probably tired of getting beat up. Ever since I got my awesome pink gloves, whenever I get froggy, (and because he decided NOT to get the matching catch mitts) I get to throw 'combos' at his palms. He doesn't like it much, cause I tend to stare at his face instead of his palms, and we both agree it's an accident waiting to happen.

I’ve been looking on Craigslist and haven’t found anything this awesome. It’s brand new, in a box, and I’m pretty skeptical, but Jesse seems to think all parts are there. To be fair, the stuff didn’t look like it had been taken out. Everything was folded, manual, etc, factory style. UPS shipping label from 07. Someone must have had this sit in their garage for a looong time before deciding it’s not for them. May be they just could never find an awesome pair of pink gloves. Who knows. I had Jesse drag it home and start the set up.



UPDATE: ALL parts are there, the bag is sturdy and all types of brand new. $16.75!!! And now, I can use an enourmous piece of purple fabric I had picked up at a garage sale for no reason at all - to sew a cover for the bag! (It is housed on the back porch, and we get lots of dust that comes with living really close to the airport) I'm thinking, may be even applique flowers. And something menacing written in glitter glue.

This and a Gap silk pink/purple reversible halter top for 2.99 –half off. To go with Gap silk skirt of last week??! Win. I have a serious crush on the Harbor St Salvation Army.

Also seen but vetoed: a pair of sconces. I proposed I fill the glass cones with pebbles and seashells. May be a seahorse, when one comes available, and a candle? No dice. To be fair, we *are* running out of wall space.

Now that I have something other than Jesse to beat up, I figured it's about time I study up on this boxing business. I googled and came up with www.muscleandstrength.com where a helpful chap called Buck091 had written the following:

Stance
There are many different types of stances and all are tailor made to suit each boxer but a boxer can only figure out what stance suits him best by the old tried and tested method of trial and error. But for the sake of this thread the basic Stance is as follows:
Legs shoulder-width apart and the rear foot a half-step behind the lead foot. Right-handed or orthodox boxers lead with the left foot and fist. Both feet are pointed slightly inward, and the right heel is off the ground. The lead fist is held vertically about six inches in front of the face at eye level. The rear fist is held beside the chin and the elbow tucked against the ribcage to protect the body. The chin is tucked into the chest to avoid punches to the jaw

Punches

jab A quick, straight punch thrown with the lead hand from the guard position, thrown via a small rotation of the torso and hips as the fist rotates 90 degrees becoming horizontal on impact. This punch is the first punch you will ever learn and by far the most important as it can be used for many different situations and needs such as a lead punch for a powerful combo or simpily as a range finder.

Cross/Back Hand
Considered the main power punch, thrown as a straight punch with the back hand from your gaurd in a straight line. The rear shoulder is thrust forward and finishes just touching the outside of the chin. At the same time, the lead hand is retracted and tucked against the face to protect the inside of the chin. For additional power, the torso and hips are rotated counter-clockwise as the cross is thrown. Weight is also transferred from the rear foot to the lead foot. the cross is usually the punch that follows a job in the classic one-two combo

Hook
A looping punch thrown with either hand to the side of an oppenents head. from the guard position, the elbow is drawn back with a horizontal fist (knuckles pointing forward) and the elbow bent. The rear hand is tucked firmly against the jaw to protect the chin. The torso and hips are rotated clockwise, propelling the fist through a tight, clockwise arc across the front of the body and connecting with the target

Uppercut
A vertical, rising punch thrown mainly with the rear hand. Uppercuts require a loading move back to get good power so its best if they follow a shot like a hook. revious shot loads the waist (cocking back), rotate from the waist, fist should come up right under the jaw can be slid up an oppenents chest, palm facing back to them on fist hitting chin and don’t let the shot makeyouself too open, need to stay hunched over as the arm flies up.

It's gonna be epic. This, and the Core Class I am attending tonight at 24Hour, going into Week2 of class terribleness.

24 S.E.T. Class - Gym Part Trois

This class did me in. I can hardly move, still, two days later. Specifically, I can't not climb in or out of the truck, walk up the stairs (down is impossible), or sit down. Yes, that's right. I can't SIT. Every tiem I try, I have a flashback to walk-squatting like a herd of dumbell outfitted ducks across the gym floor, and cringe.

I don't know what happened. The abs are fine, but the legs and the ass are done for. I mean, I'd been walking, and using my thighmaster, and doing squats, with my weight vest even. And, all that, I am as sore as if I'd never, ever, used a muscle on my body.

What is more disturbing is the area and depth of soreness indicates a bigger problem. I think there's a good chance, if I keep up this workout I will fully develop giant, woolly mammoth thighs and ass. Did you see Ice Age? Yeah, like that view of them walking from behind. I can feel it.

The abs - hurt not at all - because - TADA! I have none. I knew this. My little potbelly is evidence. I thought, may be, there are muscles underneath. I was wrong. They had dissolved, or migrated straight to my behind.

This little problem is compounded by my decision to pursue yoga. More than anything, I was one too drinks too many into a night, and butthurt that every one but me can put their leg either behind, or very close to behind their head. It must be fixed. And my inner thighs, hamstrings, whathave yous are ALL paying the price.

Losing Weight - Equipment

I try to do a night of ellipticalling with my friend. It is usually ruined by the following beers calorie-wise, but at least the heart rate goes up for a while. The elliptical is evil. I can treadmil walk/jog/jalk for a while but 2 minutes on elliptical make me want to cry. This must mean it's good for me, so I like the idea of having it done.

I am a member of 24 Hour Fitness, but it is more of a financial benefit to them than a physical one to me. Its easy once you get there. But getting there.. They used to have fantastic Ab/Leg/Body Classes, the first two 30 mins and Body a full hour. They used to be packed. They have discontinued them, and instead there's some silly 15 minute ab stint. I am unimpressed. Anyway, I like ellipticalling with a friend better - makes the time seem shorter if we babble away about purses, work, and people who irritate us.

I also 'dumpstered' some things I thought would promote activity.

Thighmaster. $1 Garage sale in Pacifica. I wasn’t even sure what it was, but now I keep it under the desk at work. I *think* it’s working. I do reps when I’m bored instead of walking down to the vending machine.

Boxing gloves. Garage sale in Costa Mesa. Right after the Rogers-Emelianenko MMA fight, I decided I want to box and wrestle. Really, I just want to occasionally punch things. I went out and got myself an Affliction TShirt at Nordstrom Rack, to feel extra tough, and I am on the lookout for a boxing bag on Craigslist. Just today I found these in someone’s garage.



$8 and I can punch Jesse and the couch. Jesse says it’s nice to get punched with gloves as opposed to my pointy knuckled fists, so it works out. They also had little pads one might wear on their hands to deflect and absorb hits. Whatever that’s called. I may go back for those.

I’m already good at wrestling. I’m wiry and hyper like that. And my complete disregard for ‘manly bits’ makes Jesse nervous enough so I usually win (he's the only person I've had the chance to wrestle, but I'm thinking about raiding school yards and taking on 8 year old bullies as I get better). I also aspire to go introduce myself to 24 Hours' kickboxing class. I doubt it's as gratifying as punching something, but may be I can pick up some moves so I look less like a swimming gerbil when I do it.

The very first acquisition was my Weight Vest. It is awesome. The day I decided I wanted to get serious about working out, a guy at work was talking about his weight vest. I looked it up online, and, of course, it was JUST the thing I needed. Implementing it into your workouts does good things for your strength, endurance, work out intensity, etc.



It just so happens a lady online was selling one. Not just a "weight vest" but a women specific V-Max weight vest. It was the 30lb version, and, of course, I thought I needed the 45-50 lbs version, but would settle, because she was selling it relatively cheap. She wanted $100, she took $50, and it retails for ~$200, nifty sweat liner included. I was excited! I started out with 12lbs. I am now up to 15. It'll be a while before I add another bar in there (comes with removable 2.5 lb weight bars). So, I probably settled well. I wear it ellipticalling, and for fast walks. The idea is to work up to just under 20% of your healthy body weight. It is probably burning calories on my behalf, as I type this, slumped against my living room wall, that's how awesome that thing is.

I just went onto their site to get a photo, and their current slogan is:

Overweight? Lose it fast! How?
Put on a V-Max™ and walk 20 to 30 minutes a day.

Awesome.

BSN Atro Phex Supplements. They are marketed as a mood/energy/weight management system. I call them my crack pills, and really like them.



I won’t ever work up to the cracked out max dosage of 3 pills 3 times a day, but if I take one around 3 o’clock at work, I am still motivated to do active things after work. Froggy, but not jumpy, if that makes any sense. I don’t take them all the time, just on the days I feel especially slow, nappy, and unmotivated. If I take one as late as 4, I can still go to sleep peacefully by 11. Win.

I am 5'6" and a slender build. A couple months ago EVERYTHING, including my sweat pants, stopped fitting, I weighed in at 147. Cutting out a lot of carbs, and occasional ellipticalling/gymming took me to the current 137, and I'm shooting to be between 125 - 135 lbs. I could be there a lot faster if I was less lazy and more strict with the diet.. But I'm not. Ha. :D

It's also probably really vain and shallow but I am waiting to drop another 5 lbs before I do another take on Nora, the Duct Tape Scarecrow #2

Weight Loss - Food

Excercising - I don’t like it. Not one bit. But, ever since Jesse, I got what my girlfriend called a “boyfriend layer”. A boyfriend layer is about 20 pounds of crumpets distributed over my butt, thighs, waist, and arms. It’s odd how little of it goes to you boobs. Go figure. Once everything, including the sweatpants no longer fit, I had to make slight changes to ..everything.

So, the evening crumpets had to go. I have a fruit tart at home right now, but I budget calories for it. I can also have crumpets if there’s gym time on the horizon. I am, however, lazy, and would rather be at home sewing than at a gym. (24 Hour Fitness, you’re welcome for my monthly $20 donation) . Sugar got cut out long time ago, and I find I don’t miss it in the tea. Sometimes, for a strong tea, I put a pinch of Stevia in. I would like to learn to cook with Stevia, but it has a distinct taste and does not have the same heat stability/properties as sugar. I'll put it on the List. I’m a huge fan of sugar free syrup on French toast.

Very simply put, I have to eat less. It used to be that it didn't matter, but after I turned 24-ish, it started mattering. In my natural, undisturbed state, I can easily pack an extra 9000 calories a day just with creme brulee alone. I like full fat everything. I grew up drinking raw eggs and eating lard fried in lard. Cardiac arrest takes a LOT of people in Russia at a fairly young age. Sigh.

I try to replace my portion of pasta dishes with whole wheat pasta. Yes, it requires boiling two pots of water, but as long as all four burners are in working order, it doesn't put me out much. This might be slightly psychotic, but I pick out excess white bread out of rolls, and even some bagels. This only works if you like crusts as much as I do. I've also been known to chew a couple of Doritos and spit them out, but it's nothing I'd admit to in public. Cause that's crazy people talk. And, anyway, people shouldn't leave Doritos on public food tables at work while I'm trying to be good. They should leave carrots and broccoli bits, the dirty critters.

I replaced lunches at work. Good bye In N Out, hello Lean Pockets, or Lean Cuisines, or left overs from a dinner. Jesse has a gallbladder stone issue, where he has to limit the intake of fat per meal, so this helps with my cooking - It might be a Russian thing, but if left ot my own devices, I'd like to fry everything in butter, and douse my lettuce with straight sunflower oil and salt instead of dressing. Having to cook in small bits of olive oil and PAM (yuck) and much less frying of anything has probably been a step in a healthy direction.

I am not a fan of any diets, because they are, by definition, restrictive, and I don't think I could keep one up forever. Or for a week. I subscribe to the very general (Calories In) - (Calories Out) = (My Butt Size) equation theory, where a creme brulee = 5 miles on elliptical. Needless to say, I just don't eat very many creme brullees.

I have also read and appreciates the premises of the Grapefruit diet, and what I got from that is that I eat more graprefuits. This also seems to be working. I try to stock me a bag for the week at work. It hasn't been proven that grapefruit causes more fat burn, so I don't want to dive head first into a strict regimen I'll never be able to keep up (although, if you can, I've heard good things about it). But, it's almost certain that eating a grapefruit burns more fat than eating a bag of vending machine M&M's, what with having to find a pointy spoon and everything.