Gateway Fabrics and Misc Salvation Army Weaknesses.

Firstly, and most importantly, Giraffy and I ran/walked our 3 miles yesterday, with a quicker pace. Because we're rockstars.

Prior to that, Future Mr Snork and I dropped into the S-Boutique, having made a 'do not buy anything' pact in the parking lot. Because we must be stopped. Or I must up my Ebay-ing.

It doesn't help that we've made friends there, and my haggling is well received and successful. So, pact and all, for a grand damage total of $16:

- Jesse's green suit jacket. It appears it is unworn, cause that's how Jesse likes them. By Oscar De La Renta. At 6.99, it was the most expensive item. He's not very good at the haggling thing. Sucker.

- Body shop wax/oil melter/sniffy thingy. I used to have one, and it broke, and I have had wax tarts from BlueBonnet Trails for a while now, with no melter. .34c.

- A new roll of white sparkly swirly ribbon. I wrap presents with these and do not enjoy paying $2.49 or $3.99 or whatever. So, I stock up when I can. I'm particular to new rolls though. .34c

- Snakeskin print jersey type fabric. I see a tank top in my future. Or a tube top, scrunched up.

I was torn about this fabric, on one hand it's really bright and obnoxious, and on the other, it's kinda beautiful. I ended up getting it, figuring I'll make a garment bag out of it or something if it overwhelms me. When I got home and looked up Alexander Henry fabrics, I felt a little faint:

I want to wrap myself in

Nay.  I want to wrap myself in it, and upholster all my furniture in it (comes with white and blue backgrounds also).   I don't think my life will be same until I get some. I need to find his stuff on clearance somewhere though, he's not a cheap dude.  He is, however, awesome, and his other fabric is just as exquisite.  I'm hoping someone will dump a load of it into a local S-Boutique, where I can pick it up for $1.50.  It can happen again, right? 

S-Boutique is cheap, but sometimes it leads to expensive habits.  They should put that on their daily sale signs.   Yesterday afternoon I had no idea about bright birds and Alexander Henry, and it would have probably been cheaper to keep it that way. 

Also, and just because they happenned to be behind counter when I checked out, and I'm weak like that - not one, but two clutch purses. Sigh. The Boutique chick practilly threw them at me.

The white Philippe purse has a cool open/close hinged thingy. And I really don't have a white purse yet. I found a red version on Ebay I also kind of want, but can probably do without.

The other one is a brown leather clutch of unknown origin. "ML" on the zipper chain? But soft. And pretty. And also $2.75.   I've been meaning to become the kind of person who changes purses daily, instead of toting around a Giant Soccer Mom Purse of The Month monstrosity everywhere.  (Must fit thermos, camera, snacks, an occasional sandwich, etc..).  Perhaps now is the time?  

Things that I wanted but didn't get (Jesse dug his heels in):

Pine tree candle holders.  With cute tiny little stars.  He's lucky X-mas is far away and I have months and months of scheming.   

Risky Fashion, Thrift Shop Thwartage and Stalkage

We switched it up this weekend and kept busy mornings with riding and disc golf, so the thrifting frolicking was limited to a couple quick stop at San Clemente's La Tienda Thrift Shop and Garden Grove G-Mart.  Can you say sparkly?

Yeah.  That's right.

I told myself if it was under $3, I'd get it for shock value and to wear for New Years.  EVERY New Year.  And may be for Halloween, when I want to go as the Disco Ball.  It's a Robert Ribkoff cardigan, (he's somebody fancy!) in silver, with silver sequins, all scrunched up.   

And, I'm a little hesitatant to post this, but, how do we feel about shortalls? 

With boots?  And a belt?  Or no belt?  I know, the overwhelming opinion is probably "no shortalls", but it's too late.  $5 got them AND the cardigan, and some unsuspecting public, somewhere, soon is going to be subjected to me wearing shortalls.  Brought to you by Chip and Pepper (Jesse and Google told me they're somebody, so I did a little brand whoring unknowingly).

The side view is decidedly less farmer like.  You know, cause it looks like shorts.  May I'll just scoot up to people sideways when I wear it.  And wear it I will.  I also figure if I can't ever bring myself to leave the house in either the Disco Ball Shirt or the shorticals, I can Ebay them. 

There was also the most amazing vintage cat, wooden, the kind you pull, and it rolls, and the little paws move..  But this little kid had it, and wouldn't give it up.  I heard his mother say he could have anything if he behaved (awesome tactic, BTW, I mean, you're at a thrift shop, you could let your kid clear out the ENTIRE toy shelf and be out $20).  I suggested Jesse go distract his mother while I snuck up on him from behind the dishes rack and snatched the cat, but Jesse reasoned sensibly  (ugh) that it would be frowned up. 

So, I left sulking, but called later -super creepy stalker like - to find out if they sold a wooden cat to a little blond boy -and!- the cat might still be there.  Ha.  May be he didn't behave well enough after all!  Another trip is in order.  In a related story, I am the sort of person who bargains at thrift shops, creeps behind small children, and calls obsessively afterwards stalking a 40 year old wooden toy I have no business buying in the first place.  I know this.  I am working through it. 

Finally, at a Garden Grove G-Mart (My favorite!)  I got seriously thwarted.  As I was trying Jesse to try on a Banana Republic shirt that he thought was hideous and that I thought was a beautiful, attractive, sexy purple, I saw this woman's cart - full of dresses.  New dresses, with tags.  I'm sure they were all my size.  There was one I was a little determined to snatch out of her cart while she was on her phone (it's a theme, I know, I need therapy) but she got off the phone and eyeballed me disapprovingly eyeballing her cart before taking off towards the registers.  Gr.  Seriously, a full cart of Macy's tags.   What is she going to do with all those dresses?  So, of course, by the time I made it to the dress rack, there was nothing there for me.  I'm convinced it was that chick's fault. 

Jesse finally agreed to one of my offerings/picks, a different Banana Republic shirt,

with a lot less (none) purple, so I left him alone to brand whore for random Brooks Brothers blazers and the like, and over by the linens/dishes I found

1.  An old Bavarian plate.  49c.  Love!

2.  A bin of fabrics, By The Bolt, $5.99  O.M.G.

I always read jealously about people making muslin mock ups of their patterns, but I've always been too cheap to buy said muslin.  I mean, even at $1.99/yd - which it wasn't - it adds up.  I now have several kilometers of this stuff.  I can cut out patterns, write on it, modify, cut more, fail, try again, rinse, repeat, like 80,000 times.  I can even try to make my own patterns. 

The second bolt wasn't quite as large, but there's quite a bit of fabric on there - may 15 yards - possibly more - dark red raw silk.  Need I say more.  Can you have too many dresses made out of raw silk?  I don't think so, but I will find out.

Nora, the Duct Tape Scarecrow.

I’ve mentioned how I want a dress form. But I want a cool dress form, with a pretty iron or wood leg, (carved gargoyle feet and a faceted crystal ball on top optional) because it’ll probably end up hanging out a lot in my living room, and I don’t want a plastic contraption with spidery feet, screws, and dials.

Awesome dress forms I can see myself having:

I feel like they would really balance out the look of my appalling sewing adventures.
Nobody in their right mind would have me sew anything for them, so dials are useless anyway, as long as it’s my size. So, I am looking for a 34 bust (sigh), 29 waist, 40 hips dress form. I can pad the boobs and the butt, so I’m not obsessively picky. If it’s got gargoyle feet and 44 hips, I will drag it home, bust out a bread knife and trim stuff like it’s my job.

There was one in a Rags to Riches thrift shop in Newport Beach, but by the time I went home, thought about it, and came back a week later it was gone. “Sleeping on it” FAIL. This led me to stalk Craigslist and campaign that all my Facebook friends everywhere do the same, but meanwhile, I am still form-less, so I thought I’d make a duct tape dress form.

The good – it’s cheap and if you get it right, it's your body copied, 34" chest and 41" hips and everything, so when a pattern looks funny on your dress form, you know you gotta worry.

The bad – you gotta expect to hang out wrapped in trash bags and duct tape for at least an hour, probably more, with restricted mobility

The ugly – being wrapped up in trash bags and tape apparently brings out some truly undesirable traits of my personality.

Supplies:
Two rolls of 55yd duct tape at Ace Hardware - $5

Jesse kindly volunteered to be the wrap-er.

I heard about using long TShirt but I couldn’t find one I disliked enough to trash, and then I read feeback about it adding bulk, so I wore a trash bag (thoughtfully cut out head hole and arm holes) and since that was too short and I wanted my butt wrapped, I wore a contrasting trash bag skirt.
Early Halloween:

Jesse started at the hips, which in retrospect was a mistake, and if I was creative enough, could be blamed on him. Had I spent SOME of the time being able to sit, pee, and walk about, it would have probably been easier.
The beginning of the disaster:

May be had I spent less time texting, I'd have noticed the impending tragedy.
The suggested amount is three layers of tape. Boobs, are apparently to be done in a star pattern first, then layered over crosswise by short thing strips, and the whole body done in horizontal strips, than a layer in vertical, and then horizontal again. 3 layers all over.
It gets HOT in there.
About an hour into maintaining a perfect posture, sucking in the gut, and mentally lifting my butt, I crab hopped to the mirror to find out that either Jesse messed up or my boobs are 2” apart height wise. At first Jesse swore his taping was perfect, but quickly saw his mistake and retracted all. Morning emergency boob corrective surgery averted, but I still check them out in the mirror every once in a while. Way to accidentally happen upon a complex..

I spent another half hour instructing Jesse to wrap me tighter around the waist and hips, looser around the boobs, higher around the butt.. you name it. Shortly after this, I found I didn’t care if 3 layers had been done, I wanted out of that thing. A sweaty garbage bag doesn’t do good things for my psyche. It was ugly.

Jesse performed a semi emergency surgery all along the back of the duct tape, and the underwear. I wore a pair I didn’t like preemptively, so he didn’t get in trouble, and I thought the fact that he didn’t gouge my back too much was very sweet.
Taping the scarecrow back up:

I’m pretty sure Nora (she has to have a name) needed another few layers. I couldn’t do that, because of the freak claustrophobia outburst, plus, I had a freak delusion that that extra layer would r e a l l y ‘pudgy’ me up. The rubber fumes went straight into the bloodstream I think.

I read online that the form when taped together can stand on it’s own. Nora can’t stand. She collapses to the floor and her boobs cave in.

I stuffed her with balled up trash bags I had from Coastal Clean Up Day 2009. All wrong. Trash bags are slippery, and it was OK once I taped up the bottom, but when I went to dress her she was soft and pliable and the boobs wouldn’t survive under any pressure.
Note the ominous writing on the bag:

Next stuffing idea was newspapers, of which I didn’t have enough.

Next came the insulating foam stuff, that was on sale at Ace for $2.99, the stuff you spray into walls and it hardens into foam, and you can cut it with knife.
I expected it to expand all over the place, but was disappointed. No duct tape went flying through the house, and Nora didn’t morph into Dolly Parton. One can barely filled up her shoulder.
The good thing is the hanger is now fixed in there. It’s in there all crooked, but I’ll take it. The stuff is vile, and once it gets on your hands, only a good cancerific bath in acetone takes the edge off. The formal instruction once it gets on your skin is to “wear off with time”. That tells you something.

I think because the duct tape form is too thin and soft, the foam may have blown the once stuffed boob out of shape. Not because it expanded so, but because I had it hanging awkwardly so the foam mass would stay in the shoulder, and once it hardens, it makes the duct tape take its shape. It also sticks to the inside, so I can't really wedge the nozzle in the there and pump more foam.

Before I continue I will wedge a piece of cardboard horizontally where the rib cage is, to keep the form from expanding into a round shape.
I will finish this up, and see how it turns out. I think if it’s a complete failure, I will try again, get more layers on, so I have something stiffer to work with. In all other aspects I really like the foam deal – if I decide to have it on a stand, the foam will harden around it and keep Nora fixed.

UPDATE: Nora has hardened up. I'm loving the left side. The right side speaks for itslef.


The aerial view doesn't do her any favors either:

I didn't fill up the bottom, it took me two cans to fill up the torso, and the boob situation is pretty evident, so I don't want to dump 3 more cans in in vain. I'm deciding if I ought take a knife to her and go all Michael Angelo on her and sculpt me a new boob. May be. I can't throw things away, so I may keep it in garage for next time boredom overtakes me and I want to take a knife to something. I think I can take duct tape off, spray more foam on, wait for it to harden, sculpt away, then cover with duct tape again. Or just decoupage over with some pretty fabric or wrap paper, which is what I'm after ultimately.

Coming up next, Attempt Deux, May Be With Paper Tape This Time a.k.a How Much Worse Could It Be