Pooping Predators, and The Case of the Sad Mint Plant.

So, I bought this mint plant at farmers market, because I like mint in my tea.  I always get the $1 bunch, which lasts me a week or two, but I had visions of a giant mint bush, like my father has outside his house in NorCal.  At tea time, the children go pluck some leaves, and, voila!  Either a nice minty tea, or some mozarella/lemon/mint plate. 

Anyway, back to my plant.  So, I happily plucked some leaves on days one and two, but then it went downhill.  It got sickly.  Figuring it was too young a plant for leaf plucking, I thought I'd leave it be for a while. 

It kept getting sicklier.  Something was eating the leaves (and not me, the person who paid $5 for it!).  We moved it inside.  We watered it.  We tried sun.  We tried no sun.  Mysterious black clumps littered the leaves..  Like, bug poop.

Sad Mint Plant With Mysterious Illness:

Finally, Mr Snork warned me to stay away from it, cause he'd spray it with some bug murder spray.  It was either going to die, or recover, but otherwise, something else was gonna finish it off and poop on the remaining bald stalks.   :(

Last night, we laid in bed and wandered if whatever was eating it is nocturnal and springs up from the ground.  Cause we haven't seen anything, and there are only, like, 7 stalks to keep track of.  Severely balding stalks.  We considered sneaking up on the mint plant, to see if IT has emerged. 

But the we fell asleep, before we had a chance to ambush the plant eater. 

This morning, I went to see the (even balder) mint plant, to see if it needed water, or something, and noticed that the bug poop is now obscene.  Something has shat on my plant, shamelessly, and the leaf is weighted down by the clumps.  Whatever it is, it's getting bigger.  The shit clumps are now bigger than an ant, so it rules out ants, those tiny green bugs, or, really, anything tiny

(Note the half eaten leaf).  And, then, THEN, either because IT moved, or my gaze was shifted by the audible CHEWING, I SAW IT.   (Right above the poop)

Perhaps a closer look, the way it appeared in person:

I almost fainted.

Look at the size of that thing's eyeball!!!!  Check out the spiky, (probably poisonous) Freaky Hairs.  And it's stupid, clever coloring.  It could be cast in a Harry Potter sequel.  Look at how it's shamelessly eating, even as it's being discovered and camera flashes are going off like mad in its face.   It didn't even stop to consider me.

Fighting my instinct to call Mr Snork (at work, for an hour now), and scream, "OMG THERE"S A CATERPILLAR IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! COME NOW" (tragically, his work arrangements are not such that he can come and go, to heroically fight rodent-bugs at the house.  Dammit.) I circled the living room in panic a few times, thinking about waking up one of the neighbors. 

I got some paper towels, to grab the THING, but then I thought the hairs might puncture the paper towel, AS it turned around and bit me.  I swear it LOOKED at me, threateningly, and anyway, I do not like being bitten or slithered upon, let alone, with something surely poisonous. 

I considered Windex, cause it does a number on ants.  But this thing lived through a hard core bug spray and came through just fine, downright famished, and pretty regular in its bowel movements.  I consdered taking the entire plant outside, until Mr got home, but at the rate THING ate and shat, not much might be left in 8 hours. 

Finally, I held the mint plant with biggest tweezers I could find, wishing I could maneuver well with BBQ tongs and carefully snipped the stem with my best sewing scissors, carrying the infested stalk to the trash, wimpering, all the while.  I kept an eye on it, while I washed the dishes, cause it looked like something that would slither out and straight across my kitchen to reclaim its pot.  Then, I'd have to leave the house, and admit defeat.  Fortunatelly, it seemed unbothered, and ate the rest of the mint stalk happily, eyeballing me, no doubt, with contempt.  All the way until I took it downstairs to the trash.  Where it's probably kicking ass as we speak.

Stupid slithery hairy side eyeing worm bugs


  1. HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!! I should no better than to read your posts at work... especially after you've told me you nearly had a nervous breakdown, and especially when my sudden bursts of laughter might be frowned upon in the office.

  2. "no better",

    HMPH. I think you need to quit your job and mind the house, guarding it from giant slithery, stupid bug eyed Harry Potter worms, thanks.

  3. "no better"

    I'm sitting here... ashamed of this oversight. LOL

  4. Your blog always makes my day! I loved this post! I also give you serious props for even trying to deal with that mutant creature. I would have made my 8 year carry it outside for me and I'd even let him roll his eyes at me.

    And, I can completely see Neville Longbottom accidentally transfiguring a leaf into that.

  5. OMG. It got worse. There were 4 of them on there!!! 1 more actively chewing, and two cocooned onto leave backsides. Turning into some ugly butterflies or something. SHUDDER. LOL I need me an 8 year old!!